I was shot when I was nine.
I say that now like it’s just a fact. A footnote. A thing that happened. But the truth is—my body still remembers. The metal pellets are still there, wrapped around my spine like silent witnesses. For years, I wore a colostomy bag, limped on pinewood crutches, and hid the visible scars under resilience. That trauma was easy to see.
But not all wounds are visible. And not all trauma looks like blood and bandages.
After four decades as a psychotherapist, I’ve learned that some of the deepest traumas are the ones we never recognize. The ones we carry like habits. The ones we’ve normalized. That’s why this week, I’m talking to you about unrecognized trauma—and how it may be showing up in your life, even if you don’t have a dramatic story like mine.
First, What Is Unrecognized Trauma?
Trauma is not just what happens to you—it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.
When your body or mind experiences something overwhelming—whether that’s a shooting, a breakup, childhood neglect, racism, a toxic job, or medical mistreatment—and you don’t have the support or capacity to process it, that’s trauma. And if that experience stays buried, you may not recognize it for what it is.
Yet it still shapes how you love, work, parent, and show up in the world.
According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, trauma can be ongoing, cumulative, and even passed down generationally—especially in marginalized communities. For many Black women, trauma is both personal and systemic.
I’ve lived both.
My Own Journey with Trauma
I survived a shooting as a child. I survived the trauma of surgery while awake. I survived medical racism that dismissed my pain, and later, I became a healer myself—partly because therapy found me.
I never set out to be a therapist. I was guided—by spirit, suffering, and divine grace—into a vocation where my pain became someone else’s light.
Now, I want to help you name the unspoken.
Because trauma unrecognized is trauma untreated. And untreated trauma keeps us sick, stuck, and silent.
5 Signs You Might Be Experiencing Unrecognized Trauma
Here’s how it could be showing up in your life right now:
1. You’re Hyper-Independent
If you believe “I can only rely on myself,” chances are you’ve been let down before. That’s not just ambition—that’s protection. Unrecognized trauma often teaches us to isolate rather than risk disappointment
2. You Feel Numb
You go through the motions. You show up for others. But joy? Connection? Hard to access. Emotional numbness is a hallmark of trauma, and it’s the mind’s way of not feeling too much.
3. You Strive for Perfection
You don’t just want to succeed—you need to, or else you feel worthless. Perfectionism can be a trauma response rooted in early experiences of conditional love or criticism.
4. You Don’t Trust Anyone
Even in safe relationships, you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Trauma can damage our attachment systems, especially if we grew up around instability, neglect, or betrayal.
5. Your Body Speaks in Symptoms
Headaches. Fatigue. Gut issues. Trauma isn’t just in the mind—it lives in the body. If doctors can’t find a cause for your chronic issues, it might be unrecognized trauma.
The Good News: You Don’t Have to Stay There
You are not broken. You are carrying things that were too heavy for you to carry alone. But healing is possible. I’ve seen it in my clients, in my community, and in myself.
If any of this resonates, you’re not alone and you’re not weak. You’re human. And like all humans, you deserve support, compassion, and room to heal.